In every season of my life, it seems like I have had a favorite, go-to T-shirt.  Heck, my son Chris begged me out of one that I loved big time.  It not only had the logo of one of our favorite rock bands on it:  Sevendust.  It also had added value (in his mind) since I once got arrested in that T-shirt.  “Daddy got arrested” is always a great story, right?!?!?
 
I vividly remember my favorite T-shirt from my college years.  It had a No Fear logo on the front and the following statement on the back: “IF YOU’RE NOT LIVING ON THE EDGE, YOU’RE TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE!”  Even from a young age, I thought I had nothing to fear.  My love of roller coasters remains still today.  My son and I used to watch "Fear Factor" together and he would repeatedly ask, “Would you do that, dad?” At least in my own mind, I always would, so I would reply, “Of course I would.”
 
But any shine that was on my star back then became pretty dull as my addiction gained its control over me. As I made mistake after mistake and became a disappointment to those I loved most, the toxic shame became oppressive.  The negative self-talk screamed in my head.  Unchallenged, it was out to kill me.  In 2012, on the worst day of my life, only God interrupted my suicide attempt, awakening me in a jail cell rather than at my own judgment day. As the next six years digressed, I now realize that I placed myself in many precarious situations in the crime-riddled inner-city of Cincinnati. When others would ask, I would just boast, "I've lost everything.  What do I have to fear?"
 
Fast forward to three years ago:  a man I respected greatly, a true servant to those who struggle, was found dead after committing suicide.  He left his two teenage sons with the horror and confusion of that act.  So many of us were shocked.  An hour after I heard the news, a tremendous grief hit me, and I bawled. Having two grown children of my own, this event impressed upon me just how flippant I had been over the years when it came to suicidal thoughts.  What had I been thinking?  How could I not take my life more seriously?  What was I doing walking through life with such a death wish?  Addiction is a horrible thing.  It drives a person into isolation.  And, in isolation, even the most ludicrous thoughts seem totally logical.
 
So many times, in the past eight years I have thought, “I’ll never be free.  I’ll never be happy.  I’ll never publish that book.  I’ll never be a good dad.”  Yet, I now live in tremendous freedom.  I am happy most of the time and filled with joy all the time.  ‘That book’ did get published and I hear that it is helping others.  And, as far as being a ‘good dad’, I’ll leave that for my kids to agree upon in the months and years to come.
 
Two months ago, I landed back in Cincinnati to do some work for City Gospel Mission.  I stayed inside the Exodus program close to the inner city.  But I had the freedom to come and go, unlike when I was a participant there three years ago.  My first night there, my impulsive mind convinced me that I needed a Coke Zero.  It was only a one mile walk to the Family Dollar, a walk I had made many times before.  I was on it.
 
About 30 degrees outside, I bundled up, signed out and began to walk up Findlay Avenue towards the Family Dollar.  I was walking like my mouth was parched from a blistering hot Texas day!  But I followed my impulsive mind that night.  One-third of the way into the walk, it had gotten very dark as I found myself walking down streets without lights.  Then I arrived at the mid-point, an intersection with a run-down convenience store caddy-corner to where I stood.  The activity in the parking lot was busy, a large crowd from the neighborhood bustling up next to the store.  But I’m fearless, right? 

The light turned green and I crossed the street, walking just across from the crowd.  I picked up some speed and stared straight ahead.  All the sudden, I heard the still small voice.  The Holy Spirit is a gentleman and will not scream above my chaos.  Yet, in this season of victory, I have ears to hear more clearly when He speaks up.  As in my past, the question becomes, “Will I listen, and will I obey what He tells me to do?” It was like a supernatural alarm went off, “Tony, You are truly fortunate to get past here once without trouble.  Do not try it again.”  As the little corner store and its big crowd began getting smaller in the distance, I was relieved to finally arrive at the Family Dollar.  The little bit of ego that I have left kept telling me, “Don’t be a fraidy cat, Tony.  Don’t call an Uber.  You are fearless, remember?”
 
It was undeniable:  a new fear crept over me.  A healthy fear.  I bought my all-important Coke Zero, took a big swig on the curb in front of the Family Dollar…then clicked the Uber app on my iPhone.  Fifteen minutes later, I was safely back inside the Exodus facility.  As the devil tried to mock me, the Holy Spirit gave me a tremendous sense of peace.
 
What I now realize is that my one-way walk through danger that night has now become my very final death wish.  The Spirit of the Living God has finally convinced me to take the years in front of me far more seriously than I took most of the last eight years behind me.  There is life to live.  There will be grandbabies to love on.  There is seed to sow.  There is a kingdom harvest to be reaped. 
 
No more carelessness, Tony!  Fearless in the Spirit?  Yes!  But, careless in the flesh?  No!


- Tony Green, author of the book Triumphant Surrender

Virtual Appendix for the book Triumphant Surrender, Chapter 8

Three Paragraphs from Triumphant Surrender, pages 121-122:
     "Another four days passed before my pen shed its first ink on this assignment. We had attended Saddleback Church earlier in the morning. There were no TVs on the premises, so I was not distracted with any football games. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Then it happened!
        I sat down at the dining room table, pen in hand, with my journal and my Bible and went into what I can only explain as a Holy Spirit blackout. I do not remember any of the details, just a flourish of writing. It lasted only thirty minutes. I had no time to assure the right words were used. I had no time to avoid grammar errors. I did not have much time to research many scriptures. As God would have it, I had no time for my pride’s perfectionism. He did not allow me that. The output of this homework assignment was going to be unexplainable except for the Holy Spirit’s intervention.
        When it was over, I looked down and had six handwritten pages, single-spaced, in my hands. Quickly reading back through it, I began crying. Where had this come from? Then I read through it again and counted at least thirty scriptures referred to in the six pages. I knew exactly where it had come from! This was really my letter from Jesus! I have not edited it since the day it was written. Here is a sampling for you. The entire letter is posted on triumphantsurrender.com."

Full Version of "A Letter from Jesus" as it was Originally Written:

​Tony,

I have meant to write you this letter for a long time, but your heart has been in a different place.  Now is the time!

You have struggled to overcome your many strongholds by yourself, the most evident one being alcohol.  However, much less evident to you, yet of greatest concern in heaven, is your strong tendency toward self-absorption.  Pride, the sin the Father hates the most, has fueled your regular lapses into sin.  As a result, you have lost your way from the light and have unknowingly supported the dark.  This lack of discipline and focus has pleased Satan immensely!

I open this letter with such conviction to share how common it is even for my followers to surrender their days to their own lordship rather than surrendering them to My Lordship.  Daily devotion to me, every morning anew, is the only way to live life free from this world’s bondage.

I came to save you … not to condemn you.  I came to set you free indeed … not to leave you in captivity.  You must truly believe these things.  There is no condemnation, my son, since you belong to me.  And, because you do, Holy Spirit power will free you from the power of sin that leads to death.  I came so that you could have life abundantly – a life with an abundance of My Father, My Holy Spirit and Me.  You must have daily faith to approach our throne of grace with confidence, not haunted by shame.

You know the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion, ready to devour you.  He is out to kill, steal and destroy the magnificent calling the Father has planned for you!  Consider the shame he has continued to fuel inside your head.  Shame has no place in you once you realize how righteous you became upon receiving the blood I shed for you.  Since you treasure the sacrifice I made for you, the Father will always see you as holy, blameless and without a single fault.  Yet, Satan never wants you to live in that assurance.  He hopes to keep you hostage by filling your head with shame, distracting you from the Father’s everlasting love.  Understand that Satan has no strength over you except the power you give him when you believe in and submit to his lies.

I call you to grow mustard seed-sized faith in the following eternal truths: 

My Father, the Most High God, has loved you from everlasting to everlasting.  He knows you love Him … and having been called according to His purpose, He will work all these things together for your good.  Most importantly, He loves you so much that He sent Me into the world to die for you.  His amazing grace gives you access to all three of Us.  Get to know Him, really know Him.  You will find no greater joy than spending time in the Father’s presence.

My Holy Spirit, the Breath of the Almighty, has resided within you since the moment you first believed.  He is your supernatural counselor – the Spirit of truth.  He will teach you all things – including the mysteries of the Gospel – and remind you of every one of my teachings.   He will anoint you fully with His baptism once you seek it with a broken spirit and a contrite heart.  Humbled surrender is critical to usher in a double portion of Holy Spirit power.  Yet, never forget this!  When you stray from communion with us and fall back into sin, it is the Holy Spirit whom you grieve.  Any willful sin can quench the Holy Spirit’s fire inside of you for a season.  Surrender yields faithful obedience.

And, it is I, the Lamb Who Was Slain, who gives you the greatest gifts of all from My Father.  As you believe in me you gain direct access to God, you receive Holy Spirit power, you are assured eternal glory in heaven and can also live the victorious life here on earth day after day.  I wiped your slate clean and instantly took on your every sin against the Father.  It is for freedom that I have set you free.  No longer give the devil a foothold in your life.  Tapping into Holy Spirit power will make this liberty a reality in your life.  I am yours … and you are mine.  I am your Alpha and your Omega.

As I called Paul out on the road to Damascus, I call you out, too.  As you more deeply realize how lost and dark this world is, you will better understand Our greatest calling:  For you, Tony, to bear great Kingdom fruit by sharing the good news of My saving grace.  The gospel is everything!  I despise a lukewarm believer.  So, live a gospel-centered life.  Your God is a consuming fire – may He be contagious through you!  Be my witness inside your family, in your church, in your community and to the ends of the earth.

Nothing is more important.  I love with agape love.  There is no greater love than what I offered in dying a criminal’s death on the cross.  I did it for you!  You became justified with God the Father on August 6, 1999.  At that very moment, we wrote your name in the Lamb’s Book of Life.  You will be glorified when the time comes that We’ve chosen to bring you home to heaven.  However, you play a very proactive role the rest of your earthly life to become more and more like Me.  Your sanctification will require your continuous surrender to the Holy Spirit’s power.  In doing this, you will pursue the renewing of your mind, confess all sins you recognize and repent by turning away from them.  No longer conform to the things of this world.  Instead, be willing to let the Holy Spirit transform you from the inside out.

We have great plans for you … join Us fully!  Before the beginning of time, you were planned for the Father’s pleasure.  Worship Him by loving Him back and getting to know Him.  You were formed for Our family, My Bride.  Make sure you fellowship with other believers.  You were created to become like me.  Pursue discipleship through the teachings of my Word.  You were shaped to serve God.  Pray faithfully to discover your spiritual gifts for serving.  And, you were made for a mission.  Verily I say, you are called to evangelize to this lost, dark world.

A final warning:  Beware of the deceiver’s schemes!  He is out to destroy all testimonies of God’s glory.  As you often quote, “We overcome the accuser by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony.”  Satan can’t rob you of my blood.  Yet, he wants nothing more than to render your testimony powerless.  Be baptized in the Holy Spirit.  It will fortify you greatly.  And, rebuke Satan out loud with the authority of My name, the name above all names … and by my precious blood.  As he tries to distract you with insecurity (the fear you won’t be provided for), learn, believe in, dwell upon and live out the promises of the Father.  In them, you are forever secure.  As he tries to distract you with inferiority (the worldly fear you don’t measure up), learn, believe in, dwell upon and live within the magnitude of what your identity is in Me.  You can find nothing more superior.  Wake up every morning and put on the full armor of God, wielding the Sword of the Spirit to batter hell’s gates.

In closing, you are the Father’s masterpiece, created in Me to do good works, which God prepared in advance for you to do.  He chose you before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.  Thus, I call you to return to childlike faith.  Stop over-thinking it all.  Open the eyes of your heart and let My truth show you how incredible agape love feels.  Once you feel it, you’ll want to share it with the rest of the world.

It gives me great joy, Tony, that you believe.  Surrender ever deeper and allow my Holy Spirit to help you overcome your unbelief!  Now, go forth and finish strong.

Your Savior and Lord,
Jesus the Christ


​- Tony Green, author of the book Triumphant Surrender

Virtual Appendix for the book Triumphant Surrender, Chapter 9

Paragraph from Triumphant Surrender, page 152: 
"Below is an excerpt of something a Christian co-laborer and I authored seven years ago. The full proclamation can be found on triumphantsurrender.com. We first shared this with the Freedom Church family in Cincinnati, just days after it was written. We tangibly felt ripples flow throughout the audience as these divine promises were read aloud. The figurative sound of chains hitting the floor reverberated in my head. I could see tears streaming down faces. God’s Word was sent out. It did not return void."
 
Full Proclamation:
Satan accuses me day & night, trying to secure a foothold in my life.  Yet, Christ Jesus advocates on my behalf, and the Father sees me as holy, blameless & without a single fault.  The Son makes me free, unquestionably free. 
(Revelation 12:10, Ephesians 4:27, 1 John 2:1, Colossians 1:22, John 8:36)
 
In Jesus holy name, MY SINS do not define me. 
God’s Word proclaims, “The record of my sin was torn up and destroyed, nailed to the cross with Christ.” 
(Colossians 2:14)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by MY PAST. 
God’s Word proclaims, “God will never give up on me or abandon me.” 
(Hebrews 13:5)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by SHAME. 
God’s Word proclaims, “There is now no condemnation upon me since I am in Christ Jesus.” 
(Romans 8:1)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by ADDICTION. 
God’s Word proclaims, “It is for freedom that Christ has set me free.” 
(Galatians 5:1)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by ANGER. 
God’s Word proclaims, “The Spirit who is in me is far mightier than he who is in the world.” 
(1 John 4:4)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by UNFORGIVENESS. 
God’s Word proclaims, “Help me forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” 
(Luke 23:34)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by REJECTION. 
God’s Word proclaims, “I am a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession.” 
(1 Peter 2:9)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by OTHER’S APPROVAL. 
God’s Word proclaims, “Nothing and no one is able to separate me from the love of God.” 
(Romans 8:38-39)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by FEAR. 
God’s Word proclaims, “A peace which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and my mind.”
(Philippians 4:7)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by NEED TO CONTROL. 
God’s Word proclaims, “I have been crucified with Christ, I no longer live but Christ lives in me.”
(Galatians 2:20)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by HOPELESSNESS. 
God’s Word proclaims, “Jesus came that I may have life and have it more abundantly.” 
(John 10:10)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by LONELINESS. 
God’s Word proclaims, “God has given me the Holy Spirit, of truth, who will be with me forever.” 
(John 14:16)

In Jesus holy name, I am not defined by INSECURITY. 
God’s Word proclaims, “God will supply all my needs from His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:19)

By Jesus precious blood, I am not defined by INSIGNIFICANCE. 
God’s Word proclaims, “I am God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus.” 
(Ephesians 2:10)
 
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 
(2 Corinthians 3:17)
Thank you, Jesus!
​

​- Tony Green, author of the book Triumphant Surrender